Lazy

I don't want to get up- my ears hurt, & I'm still tired. Lately every day is a struggle to get moving. No motivation. Must. Get. Up. Most days don't truly begin until noon. Shame on me- I should be up with the sun, ready for the day. I'm just not a morning person, never have been. Parenting should be a second shift job. Here I go. Wish me luck. Happy Monday everyone:)

Homemade Laundry Soap

I have decided, after repeatedly switching back and forth, that I prefer to use homemade laundry soap.  Saying this makes it sound complicated and involved.  Trust me when I tell you it is not.  It takes about 15 minutes, and then sits overnight (24 hrs).  That's all. Here's the recipe I use:

www.thefamilyhomestead.com/laundrysoap.htm

I hope you will like it as much as I do.  It's great on bath towels, kids clothes, husband clothes, and I have friends that use it on cloth diapers as well. The best part is that it is so much cheaper than what I was using! 

Let It Snow!

Today in Northern Indiana we were waylaid by our first blanket of the white stuff. I, unlike most, am thrilled by this. Every year I pray for a beautiful, white month of December. Most of this month is usually damp, dreary, and depressing- I would much rather it be pretty, white, and bright. It's much better for the morale, in my opinion. I, however, know that I am in the minority with this view. I LOVE snow! December and January should be cold and covered in snow- after January, it can all GO AWAY! I realize I am a SAHM, and that I am not required to leave the house, so this contributes to my joy as a result of the flakes that melt. As a child I had such a euphoric feeling when I heard or saw my schools name listed in the delays or cancellations. I remember feeling like this break in the daily schedule was enough to keep me going for the rest of the season- the same holds true for me today. I guess it's that holding on to the childhood excitement of the first snow that reminds me that there are still some things in life that remain full of wonder. Kind of helps you forget all those adult things we deal with on a daily basis like bills, laundry, cleaning, and whatnot, and reminds us to just sit in awe of mother nature's ability to blanket the land with beauty. I am thankful for this childlike view of snow that I cling to every winter. And those of you that don't enjoy it, please don't spoil it for the rest of us- give us this one happiness, at least until the end of January.

Sunday, not so Funday

Sunday is not my favorite day of the week.  It has always felt, to me, like a catch-up day.  Catch- up on the laundry, catch- up on the cleaning, cooking, yard work, etc.  To my husband, it has always been a sit on the couch and not move day.  To the kids, it's just another day.  When I used to work outside the home, it was the day before my return to the grind, usually spent whining about how much I didn't want to go back the next day.  These days I don't have that same sense of dread. I would now call it just plain old boring.  I'm not sure what I expect it to hold for me.  Something fun to top off the week and usher in the new.  Monday through Wednesday are usually school days solely.  Thursday and Friday are our "busy" days.  We have library activities, field trips, Girl Scouts, and grocery these days.  We don't have much time for TV, until the evening these days.  Watching the boob tube all day is not my idea of a good time.  In my husbands defense, this is the way he winds down, after having usually worked 6 days in a row.  I understand this need to veg, but it makes my mind numb.  I can only stand so much of it.  Weekdays when we home school, the TV isn't even turned on, unless I allow some Wii play after the school day is done, and I revel in the silence.  I don't miss it at all.  Today my husband is at his parents house with my youngest, helping install a deadbolt- on his only day off, and he has been gone 4 or so hours.  So, here I am, spending my Sunday watching, on a TV, my eldest play Zelda on the Nintendo 64.  It is pretty quiet though, without my youngest here, so there's that for excitement, I guess.

Doing the Dishes

This is what my counter top looks like right now.  I know, nice.  It seems I am ALWAYS doing dishes.  I wish I could manage the turn-over of said dishes.  Every night I say I am going to start the dish washer, and then I forget, so all of the breakfast dishes get to sit next to the sink in the morning.  They inevitably sit there until I decide I am in the mood to empty the dishwasher, which I should be doing immediately after it cools down from the drying cycle, but never do.  I admit it, I am lazy when it comes to the unloading of any cleaning appliance.  It is just such a daunting task, wah, wah.  Do your kids use 50 cups in a day, mine do.  I need to get an handle on it, I seem to be creating a larger workload for myself.  Maybe I will get to the dishwasher after I cook dinner tonight- because I need to update my phone, and right now, that is so much more important to me.  The dishes, I am sure, will be there for me when the proper time comes.  It's all about priorities;)

Peaks and Valleys

Something has got to give.  I need to make some changes.  Actually, I need to make MANY changes.  I need to lose weight, I need to exercise, & I need to eat right.  I need to clean my bathrooms, do laundry, water my plants, go to the grocery, & play with my kiddos.  I feel like my to-do list is so long, that I may never catch up.  I know everyone has things to do on a daily basis, but lately I feel like I am overwhelmed by it all.  I can't sleep at night, I am all out of sync, & I am SO over it. 
I tell myself that tomorrow I am going to start exercising, but "tomorrow" never comes for me.  I have no motivation.  I bought Zumba for Wii, have I used it once, no.  I paid for Weight Watchers for 1 a year, lost 40 lbs, then proceeded to gain it all back.  I eat fast food, skip meals, & basically abuse my poor body.  When is it all going to click for me?  There are days I am very motivated.  Cleaning, doing laundry, & playing with the kids comes easily.  The next day I can barely drag myself out of bed.  Peaks & valleys.  Ups & downs.   
I have talked to my doctor, am on meds for depression, but I'm not sure that the problem is indeed depression.  I have never been what you would call a happy go lucky kind of person, but lately I feel a bit like Eeyore.  I avoid social situations, even dread them, unless you include Twitter.  I haven't been out of the house in 3 days.  I am ready to snap, but I'm not sad.  My life isn't unhappy.  So why do I feel this way?
It's hard to even admit all of this.  I feel like I have been writing one big run on sentence.  I, I, I.  Me, me, me.  I just want to talk to someone who understands me.  I have considered, as suggested by my doctor, seeing a therapist, but every fiber of my being resists this.  "Buck up buckaroo", or "snap out of it" I keep telling myself. "You can handle this on your own."  Usually I deal with problems that arise quickly & move on to the next, but this just keeps popping back up. 
It was a bad day for me today.  My kiddos were a challenge, & I didn't accomplish anything I wanted to.  It's days like this when I tend to really dwell on my state of mind.  I hope some of this made sense.  This was a venting post, & I feel a bit better...... for now.  Rant over, demons excised, issue far from resolved.

Hormones are the Bitch, Not Me.

It's that time again folks.  You know, that time of the month we all look so forward to.  Menstruation.  For me it always seems like I am a mess more of the month than not.  I get all sore first, everywhere.  Next the "beboos" get so tender, I can't stand the thought of NOT wearing a bra.  Then come the cramps from HELL.  They have gotten progressively worse each year since I have had kids.  If I am lucky enough to preempt them by taking Advil a few days prior, sometimes I can head them off at the pass.  I was lucky this month.  Finally, enter the hormones.  I am an emotional person on a good day, and this is a whole new level of crazy emotional.  I struggle to not scream at everyone within viewing distance.  Sometimes it feels like I could crawl out of my own skin.  Like right now I am trying to write this Blog post and Evelyn is screaming questions at me in her typical fashion.  Serenity now!!  God forbid I see a sad story on the news, or a commercial even.  This results in a bout of uncontrollable crying, followed by looks from my kiddos or husband that say "are you insane?"  All in all, I am very unpleasant for at least a week and a half of each month.

I thought that this kind of thing got easier with age, not more intense.  I don't understand why, when I don't even need them for anything anymore, my ovaries/uterus give me such misery.  I used to try taking Midol to ease the symptoms, but the caffeine they contain made me jittery.  I was on birth control for a good portion of my early marital years and have NO desire to start those again.  I never could remember to take them everyday, as a person must, and they are unbelievably expensive depending on the brand your physician chooses to prescribe to you.  I might have to resort to total isolation.

I hope I am not the only one out there who has this sort of experience.  I mean, I don't wish this kind of hormonal assault on anyone, but it always helps to know you aren't alone.  What do those of you who must endure this do to lessen the blow, so to speak?  I know if I improved my diet, I would most likely see immediate results, but, easier said then done.  It's a process, what can I say?  Do you adjust your diet, take an herb, meditate, or have some sort of routine you follow?  I will take any advice I can get, after all, it's for the future of my marriage;)